The Agony of Defeat ...

For those who skate ... you know.  Some days you unlace your skates and ask yourself WHY?
Why am I doing this?  Today was a compound disaster day.

For unknown reasons I woke in one of those moods.  Hubby says "anything wrong?"  To which I reply "no".  Obviously something threw me off kilter.

I arrived at the 2:15 session ready for 2 lessons.  Coach first then choreographer. I warmed up and felt ok having stroked a few laps, done some edges and cross strokes, stretched at the wall, etc.

Then I made the mistake of talking.  Talking to my coach about my displeasure of the changes in my choreography and how I didn't feel like it was going in the direction I wanted it to.  At some point she said.. "Diane you look like you are about to cry".  Within seconds .. there I was standing at the wall, balling my head off for no reason except that I was embarrassed that I was upset and in tears.  It was a vicious circle for 5 or 10 minutes, which I felt was an utter waste of my lesson time and money... made me more upset.

Finally we stepped away from the wall and tried to work on the program a bit.  I floundered and didn't ... no COULDN'T skate well.  Then she passed me off to the choreographer and I spent another 20-30 minutes with her, floundering, falling (hard a few times) and coming away totally beaten to a pulp.  $60 poorer do to paying for lessons where I couldn't learn anything with my own mental blocks.

..... grrrrr.

I'm home now.  Had a cocktail, played golf with my husband, came home had dinner and a glass of wine and I am not able to see this for what it was ... a bad day.  Nothing more.  And the moral of the story is:  Show up for a lesson with your mind and body open .. not closed and don't spend lesson time talking.  It's a waste of time.